I’m looking for more patience with my family. What would it take?
Remember that show from the 90’s, Grace Under Fire? The phrase came to me in the shower this morning as I was carefully avoiding interacting with anyone. I haven’t trusted myself to even speak, never mind with eye contact, in the last few days.
I’ll tell you where I’m at. If my kid or husband leaves the water running too long I sometimes admonish them with total disgust. How could even fathom feeling ok about wasting such a precious world resource? That tone. The exchange leaves us both feeling awful and guilty.
And I’ve been meditating. And asking the universe. And talking it out with my ever-supportive spouse. Now this mantra, Grace Under Fire. Because that’s how I’m feeling: under fire, constantly asked for something, all my actions questioned.
Why can’t we have pirogies today? Doesn’t sound like too big of a question though does it? Especially since we encourage them to questions everything. Somehow I add a lot of baggage to that question. The brain chatter looks like this: she’s testing me to see if I will let her eat junk, why does she only like junk?, is it because I make it obvious that I hate it?, but I eat junk when she’s not home, why doesn’t she make dinner? oh right, because she’s scared, she’s scared of the stove but mostly of my criticism. sigh.
Something needs to shift because this can only result in endless confrontation. Seething.
What really drove this home today was baking muffins with my friends daughter. She’s the same age as my daughter. I was sweet as pie. I WASN’T EVEN FAKING. I was pleasant.
It’s just where I’m at right now. Of course it will all shift. Flow will appear. I’m confident in that. Just needed this mommy moment. Believing in Grace Under Fire.